JenLa

A couple weeks ago Gina put out a call for help, and we were more than happy to answer.

I has Snickers flavr.
…by designing a whimsical scarf pattern using hugs-and-kisses cable pattern to border alternating cat’s face lace (Jen’s original design) and cat’s paw lace. A celebration of all those wonderful things that make our cats the adored and treasured beings they are.

A Hug For Snickers

The pattern’s for sale at Life in LaLaLumay Land for $5.50, with every red cent going to fund Snickers’ surgery. I’m sure you all are aware of just how much I love cats, especially torties, complete with their tortitude. I HAD to do something to help. You can too! Even if you think the pattern is complete and utter shit, you should buy it anyway, and then you could give it away as a Christmas present to someone you have to pretend you like in order to keep peace in your life, but in all actuality you find their presence completely loathesome.

WARNING! If you choose not to read behind the jump, you’ll be screwing yourself out of some contest info, and that would be dumb.

(skimmers, pay no attention to the content behind the jump … )

Let it never be said that here at JenLa we refuse to give the opposition a voice. It will never might not be an EQUAL voice, but it is a voice nonetheless. Of course, we reserve the right to ridicule them for it, and we most likely will (see italics).

In case you wondered, these are the rules they abide by desperately cling to, and I believe them to be a response to these Women’s Rules.

(Notice they’re all numbered as 1. There’s a reason for that…)

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (Yeah, you have to actually HAVE one to read one…)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. (Fine. Learn to work a toilet paper roll holder.)
You’re a big girl.
If it’s up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.

You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down. (That’s because you’re so busy complaining about everything else, that one slips your mind)

1. Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

(Fine. I want you to get a clue)

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. (Ha! Delusional much?) Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor. (so what does that say about a lifetime of being a walking dickhead?)

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. (Concede…it takes intelligence to remember that far back)

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. (Whew!)

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. (Look in the mirror lately Gordo?)

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the “other one”. (cough*COPOUT*cough)

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. (Or perhaps you could demostrate a modicum of initiative and do it yourself)

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. (Fine…

…

…my water broke)

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. (Uh, Christopher Columbus was trying to get to CHINA, dumbass! Case closed)

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later. (I’ll let you in on a little secret: Saying “nothing” gives you lunkheads one last chance to redeem yourselves. But, lacking initiative, you never take it.)

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine…really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. (Or Romans)

1. You have enough clothes. (You have enough porn)

1. You have too many shoes. (You have too many tools)

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! (yeah, so is hubba hubba1 )

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping (except for when it’s not).

Stolen directly and shamelessly without reservation from Dark Roasted Blend, with commentary added shamelessly and without reservation by La.

Today’s WTF Wednesday is more in the vein of “WTF, why is this happening? And WTF can we do about it?”

When I read Janice’s post this morning, I realized just how bad I’ve been at keeping up with blogs lately. I didn’t even know about what Gerry, Annie and the family were going through. Having only too recently battled through a terminal illness with my mother, my heart just breaks for them. Anita’s post is very articulate and she’s right. We come together for so many people out there and this time it’s for one of our own. There are a few different ways to help. Go buy Annie’s books or knitting patterns, for one. [bypass Amazon this time and go right to her site.] Or, you can visit the We Love Annie blog to buy contest raffle tickets. There is also a donation button on both her and the We Love Annie blogs for more direct assistance. The funds will go to help defray the costs resulting from the illness and treatment. On that page you will also find an address if you’d like to send a letter of support or a care package. Put the button on your blog. Post about it and spread the word. You might not think a little bit will help, but I promise you, it does. Just knowing that people are out there pulling for you helps so much. If you only have a small budget to devote to your knitting, why not invest it by helping out a fellow knitter and a dynamic designer? In addition to thanking Janice and Anita for bringing it to my attention, I’m very happy to find that one of my local yarn stores, Main Street Yarns is heading up the effort to do something. I have not been lucky enough to take a class with Annie yet, but her book, Confessions of a Knitting Heretic made a huge impact on my knitting a few years ago and I remember emailing her to thank her for writing it. She not only validated what I thought was my unusual style of knitting, she showed me how to fix it, when to do it differently and she was the first person I ever heard that screamed “THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO KNIT!!!” I just wish the opportunity to repay her wasn’t taking this form.

Edits at end of post…

You know how if you ignore something it goes away? Yeah, that doesn’t work, does it?

I’ve been ignoring a little problem I have and it’s growing. A couple of weeks ago, my brother and I got up for work at an ungodly hour of the night morning and when I came out of the shower, he said to me, “Um. You have a little bitty [holds hands about 3" apart] baby, um…..cat…outside and I think it’s starving or something. It’s making a hell of a noise.” Sure enough, by my tire sat the ugliest, smallest, loudest kitten I’d ever seen. When I approached it, it went up into my engine. So I went inside to let it come out before I had to start the car and go to work. Eventually, it came close enough to the outside that I saw fur, reached up inside and grabbed it. It latched on to my wrist and bit for all it was worth. Tiny, needle-like teeth sinking to the bone. [It was painful for two days!] But I held on long enough to inspect it for injuries and to check under her skirt to confirm gender. I put her down near the potting shed, hoping to buy time to get my car out and get to work.

After that, I saw her streak by a couple of times when I went to feed Bobble and Loop, but never long enough to even take a picture of her. I thought about catching her and doing something about her, but I was really busy that first week. Then I told Jared about it and he advocated buying a have-a-heart trap and taking her to the shelter. Only, I’ve been working so much lately it’s been low on the priority list. Plus I found the whole situation irritating in the extreme. Clearly someone dropped her off in the night. She’s far too small to be traveling alone for the distance required to even come from the nearest farms, most of which I happen to know do not harbor cats. She probably wasn’t even weaned. The audacity of whoever did this really makes me mad. I find their lack of responsibility for the kittens-don’t even get me started on people who don’t spay and neuter-and dumping their problems on me to be absolutely reprehensible. Anyway…I wouldn’t see her for a couple days at a time so I’d ignore the problem. My brother saw her up by the barn once and I thought she might keep going, but recently I found one of her hidey holes.

What, you don’t see anything?

That’s the foundation of my house just outside my back door. That hole is very small, I would have thought nothing bigger than a field mouse could get under it. That’s how teeny she is.

See anything yet?

Ah yes, there’s definitely something there.

The day I started taking pictures of her turned out to be the day she started coming out more when we were outside. This little problem child has grown since the day I grabbed her out of my engine, probably doubled in size and she’s still tiny. She’s obviously surviving on the dry cat food set out for Bobble and Loop. Jack, my old pet cat, went outside and she came running up to him, snuggling and rubbing herself on his chest fluff. Maybe he looks like mom, I don’t know, but seeing it, Bobble came up to Jack thinking he’d protect the baby from him and Jack-kitten still snuggled in his fur-reached up and smacked Bobble a good one on the top of the head. I think it was in that moment that a piece of me started to give way on this moocher. All three of the older cats like to beat her up, play with her, clean her and snuggle with her. And small as she is, she holds her own during the smackdowns. I sent Jared the pictures above and he said, “Welllllll…..I guess if she was spayed, she could stay and catch mice or something.” I was surprised to hear that, but even more surprised that I still wasn’t sold. Female cats are expensive. And how many cats does one farm need, anyway? But I’m sort of slowly, reluctantly beginning to think she might stay. She’s getting less raggedy looking as she grows. And scenes like these melt even the iciest of hearts:

Hello! Is anyone there? Hello???

I just wanted to talk to someone about a job, I hear you might be hiring!

Whoa! Um, wow, they have big security guards here. So, can I talk to HR? I’m just trying to get an interview!

See? I have skills. I could do things around here. I’d work cheap.

I work well with others!

I don’t know, what do you think? Do we really need more cats?

No, ignoring your problems doesn’t make them go away. Now she needs a knitting name. I’ve been thinking “Felt”, because she reminds me of a dirty rag. It’s not sticking to her, though. I also need to have the word “sucker” tattooed on my forehead. This is IT. No more cats. All future applicants will be turned down cold. I can’t afford to take care of these little moochers. Hang the “not hiring” sign out! God, I’ve got to get better security around here.

Edited to Add: I have a goat called Tink and one called Pearl, so those two names are out… We need to be thinking something ugly here!

It’s been awhile since I’ve done a

See? Fiber related content at the end. Sorta. *g*